Vulnerability: The Courage to Be Real
By Jane Phipps
Melbourne , Australia
Featured on Medium.com
This is the third article in my Heart-Centered Leadership series.
We’ve explored trust as the invisible foundation of leadership, and transparency as the light that allows people to see clearly. Now we come to the beating heart of it all: vulnerability.
I like to define vulnerability as being exposed to the possibility of being hurt or attacked. That alone explains why it’s one of the most confronting qualities for any leader to embrace.
However, when leaders allow themselves to show up fully—with all their imperfections and uncertainties—it can unlock something extraordinary in the culture around them.
I’ll be honest—this was the hardest one for me. As a young woman in male-dominated leadership spaces, I believed vulnerability would be seen as incompetence. I worked hard to prove I was capable, often putting on a shield of armour in the name of perfectionism, over-preparation, and emotional distance.
I thought if I admitted I didn’t know something, I’d lose credibility.
What I ultimately learned, with experience, was that people don’t connect with invincibility—they connect with honesty. They trust leaders who show their humanity.
I also learned the fine line of being vulnerable without oversharing or dissolving in front of my teams or peers.
Vulnerability Means:
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Saying, “I don’t have the answer, but I trust we can figure it out together.”
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Admitting, “I made a mistake—and here’s how I’m making it right.”
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Owning, “This change is hard for me too. Let’s talk through it.”
These moments may feel small, but they give people permission to speak up, experiment, fail safely, and support one another with honesty.
Vulnerability builds trust, because it starts with trust—trust in your team, in your values, and in yourself.
Vulnerability and Transparency
In the last article, I discussed transparency, which often walks hand in hand with vulnerability and should do for heart-centered leadership—but they are not the same thing.
Transparency is about sharing information—being clear, honest, and upfront about what’s happening, what’s expected, and why.
Vulnerability is about sharing emotions—showing what something means to you.
Where transparency says, “Here’s what’s going on,” vulnerability says, “Here’s how it’s affecting me.”
One is external—what you choose to tell others.
The other is internal—what you choose to reveal about yourself.
Both are powerful. Together, they can be transformational.
When Vulnerability Is Missing
What happens in organizations when vulnerability is missing in leadership?
Everything might still look competent on the surface, but something important is missing underneath—and it can be felt in those awkward team meetings.
When leaders show up without vulnerability, they often appear rigid, distant, and overly controlling. They focus on image management, not connection.
The culture becomes about managing impressions, avoiding risk, and preserving power. People might follow the rules, but they will rarely bring their whole selves to work.
Signs vulnerability is missing:
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Control over collaboration
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Perfection over progress
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Fear of criticism
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A culture of fear
When vulnerability is absent, trust fractures. Without trust, people don’t experiment or challenge the status quo—ensuring that innovation dies quietly before it’s even spoken.
The Courage to Be Vulnerable
However important this quality is in a leader, it takes raw courage to embrace.
Researcher and storyteller Dr. Brené Brown coined a term many of us know all too well—if you haven’t heard it before, you’ve likely felt it: the vulnerability hangover.
It’s that moment after you’ve taken an emotional risk—spoken openly, shown your heart, admitted something hard—when your brain kicks in with doubt or panic:
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“Did I say too much?”
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“Will they think less of me?”
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“Should I have just kept quiet?”
This sense of shame or fear is completely normal—it’s human.
It’s the natural response of a brain wired for self-protection, but it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means you were brave.
Vulnerability hangovers are a side effect of being real—and they show up after the moments that matter most.
What makes this behavior sustainable is knowing how to ground yourself afterward—that’s resilience.
It’s the ability to recover from taking that emotional risk without shutting down. It’s what lets you keep showing up, even after the hangover.
You can find strength in your leadership when you lead with vulnerability—supported by resilience.
What I’ve learned is that courage always comes at a cost—but the return is greater.
It comes in the form of genuine, trusted connections with people.
Yes, you might feel exposed. Yes, not everyone will understand. But the people who matter—your team and your peers—will feel it.
The courage to be vulnerable is much easier to embrace in safe environments, but here’s the paradox: vulnerability is what helps create those safe environments.
It’s cyclical. That’s why leaders have to go first.
It takes real guts to speak up in a room full of fear, to let go of perfectionism, to admit you’re still learning.
Yet those are the moments that matter—those moments build connection.
Setting Boundaries Around Vulnerability
Vulnerability, however, needs boundaries.
It’s not about dumping your personal life into a team meeting or using your staff for emotional reassurance. The goal is to model humanity, not create emotional confusion.
Done with care, vulnerability signals strength. It says:
“You don’t need to be perfect to belong here. You just need to be real.”
What this looks like in practice:
Instead of saying: “Everything’s fine.”
Try: “We’re facing challenges, but we’re in this together.”
Instead of saying: “I have the solution.”
Try: “I’d love your input—what are we not seeing?”
Final Thought: The Person Behind the Leader
When I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I became relatable.
And being relatable reminded people that even leaders face doubts, challenges, and change. My team saw the person behind the title—and that changed everything.
So, ask yourself:
Are you showing up with courage?
Or have you cloaked yourself in armour?
Because the leaders people trust, follow, and remember are never the ones who claimed to be perfect.
They’re the ones who had the courage to be real.